I am not yet twenty-one. I am to be broken. I am to be derided all my life.

i realize now i have to bind my life together with twine
like crocheted roses
i pray and pray and that makes me feel better
feels like i'm a poser though
this blog feels like a strainer for my thoughts
hopefully it can block everything one day
i'd like to be silent
had a run in with the past today .
was it better or worse ? i am unsure

" why put me through so much just to gain so little from it "

i've found myself a little more consumed by everything .
it's the season . i've begun to prefer autumn
there is no such thing as a clean break with the past ...
chase it off , and it comes sneaking right back

i've got to stop sleeping so late . must be the cause of my lapse in judgment , in sanity
summer leaves me in a haze ; a fog that i cannot swat away 
also , i talk a lot . should probably cut that out . spending an over hour on one entry
is seriously unemployed behavior

i want to go to confession . i've never gone ... but it'd be good for me
journaling is a good alternative . i haven't said everything that i wanted to tonight